When We Share We Heal•
Posted on September 24 2019
Have you ever met someone but it doesn’t seem like the first time? That was pretty much how I felt when I met Tamar, who loving allows me to call her Tammy, T and more recently Nikki Newman...she really is a striking brunette-version for anyone who watches Y&R!!
Tamar is a solid friend. It's not easy to explain your situation to people when you first meet them. They clam up, they change the subject, some avoid you completely once you tell them, or maybe they simply can't deal with pain. We met through Tamar's daughter Jordan, who I instantly loved because of her name! Tamar sits in the mud with me and allows me to be open. I cry and I cannot control it, and I am realizing I don't need to and with her I never feel uncomfortable when I do. The world needs a good wash now and then, so many walk this earth sterile and unable to express themselves, but I definitely do my fair share of washing. Tamar and I found our friendship in our ability to express our fear and pain and hence our ability to heal. I believe her mother, Levana has comforted Jordi in heaven, just as Jordi brought me ways to feel comforted on earth through people like Tamar.
I’ll let Tamar to tell you the rest. Enjoy this chronicle because for anyone who has lost someone you may find some peace in knowing that there are angels having conversations about you all the time and making sure you are NEVER alone.
I first met Alison last Spring. Officially, our Jordys brought us together.
My daughter Jordan was head of the B.S.S fashion show where every year a charity is chosen to benefit from the student production. As always, many worthy charities are presented. But it was Jordana’s Rainbows that caught Jordan’s attention and captured her heart. My daughter remembered how she had looked up to “older girls” when she was younger and wanted to gift Jordana’s memory with all the undivided attention of the graduating class, complete with beautiful gowns and glamour. With Alison’s leadership, the show was a huge success, raising funds and awareness of DIPG.
“Mom, you have to meet Alison you are going to love her!” I would hear of Alison’s iron will, her strength and also her sweetness. I wanted to meet her but I was also afraid.
In 2016 just after little Jordana Fiorini gained her wings, my mother passed away. Losing my mother devastated me more than I was willing to admit. There were times when I wondered if it was “normal” to still be so sad years later and was on guard not to show my emotions. I worried that when I met Alison for the first time, and saw the magnitude of her pain and loss, that I would turn into a complete sobbing mess right in front of her. In fact, that is exactly what happened. Not the first time, not the second, but the third.
There was not a dry eye at that school fashion show. The tributes to Jordana were magical and Alison spoke so beautifully and openly. We chatted after the show and countless times since. We cried, we laughed and we introduced the person we love and lost to each other. We decided that they must have connected in heaven to bring us together.
My mother, my best friend, my cheerleader, confidant and a second mother to my kids was strong, elegant and highly accomplished. Most of all she was so kind, generous and loving. Her name, Levana, means “moon” in Hebrew and she was our family’s moon and stars. She loved life so much. She loved her family intensely and didn’t want to leave us. As the end was nearing, I saw the fear and sadness in her eyes. I didn’t know how to make that better. But my mom loved children; I told her that there are babies and children in heaven that need her. She nodded her head in acknowledgment that this must be true.
And so maybe, just maybe, my mother’s next calling was to care for Jordana in the world beyond. It is a thought that comforts me, and I hope Alison as well. The truth is that I believe it with certainty.
My friendship with Alison is heavenly gift and a reminder that sadness lives side by side with joy, that beautiful rainbows are created from rain, and that a bright moon shines even in the dark.
By: Tamar Royt
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